Facing the "Mottainai" Hoarding Creature Inside
Trying to detangle myself from "mottainai" (wasteful) mentality
According to Google Translate, the word 勿体無い (mottainai) is translated as “wasteful.” Other potential translations are “lavish” and “extravagant.” But I feel like these words can’t really express what “mottainai” means in the context of things and our inability to throw them away.
We look at the stuff in our house, consider throwing away that perfectly good unopened travel-sized lotion (of a brand we’ve never used we got for free from some event), and think, “Oh but we might use it some day… Throwing it away? Mottainai.”
Yes, we can’t throw them away because it’s wasteful. It’s wasteful because we spent money on it, or we could potentially use it (when? how? that’s for future me to figure out!). We have to keep it safe in this pile of things I never look through for years in the back of the closet just in case. Just in case.
Throw these perfectly good products away? Mottainai.
My mom is a very good keeper of things. She has toys from when I was a baby or kid, and my sons really enjoy playing with them when we go over to her house. What’s extremely impressive is that they look brand new after over 30 years. These toys have moved multiple times with them, and they brought them all the way from Japan.
As much as I admire my mom’s ability to use the same chopping block for cooking for decades by taking care of it every day, reuse containers for different purposes indefinitely, and keep toys for her grandchildren (who may or may not have been born), I also think a lot about the opportunity costs of keeping everything.
Being raised by her, or possibly by nature, my tendency to is to keep because… mottainai. But recently reading a lot of decluttering books and resources both in Japanese and English has me thinking about the whole concept of keeping things with me in a new light.
Some ideas and thoughts I’ve been mulling over:
Humans generally only take up so much space per person. Everything else is stuff. By keeping a lot of things in storage or in your house, you’re essentially paying rent/mortgage, insurance, utilities, etc. for stuff. It’s not just the cost of acquisition, then, but also the cost of maintenance in the way of “living costs” for these inanimate objects. There are things that we need, and there are things we like to have, but everything else… Maybe we’re paying rent for trash?
Yes, we need stocks of things, but do we really need all that stock? I have 5 boxes of diapers (to be fair, we use 3 different kinds of diapers), and I still wonder if I need to buy more so I’ll never run out. Again, storage being used is space being used up (though there’s something to be said about today is probably the cheapest anything is ever going to be… And after we got home we got caught in a snow storm and I did run out of formula).
We have been thinking we need a bigger house. But wait… There’s so much ineffectively utilized space in our house because it’s being used as storage…! If we freed up all those rooms and spaces, our house might just be big enough. Must investigate.
If you don’t need it or want it, don’t accept it… Even if it’s free! I have a few things I accepted on the trip before I read this concept, and yes, I brought them home, and I’m still staring at them wondering what I’m going to do with them. Yes, I should toss them but… mottainai. Who knows if someone else could use it!
Just say no; for stuff and to obligations. I am very bad at saying no, but I did give it a go at the pediatrician the other day when they asked if I’m willing to take part in a study for my 2nd child. The next step is to just say “no, thank you,” without adding reasons to explain myself.
I read that when we keep on bringing more and more things in, but don’t remove things from our house, we create “constipation” of the house. No wonder we’re full to the brim of things! We’re completely backed up! After a while, we won’t even be able to bring new things in because there’s no where to put them. Humans need to eat and then expel to keep healthy. Same for houses. What a thought. I’d never thought of my clutter that way, but it’s true. We need fresh wind blowing through our house, but in order to do that, we have to stop bringing unnecessary stuff in, and when we do, make sure stuff are also flowing out. First step is the hard job of un-constipating the house, though.
Spending a month on travel in Taiwan and sharing 2 rooms between the 4 of us really made me think about how much is enough, and what we really need day to day. We needed diapers, wipes, food, cellphone and charger, laundry hamper, toiletries, changes of clothes, little towels for drool, stroller, bags… But we needed much less toys and books that I anticipated, and pretty much very little of anything else. Anything that we did end up needing, we could go to a store to buy and consume.
I actually enjoyed walking to a store or convenience store first thing in the morning before the kids woke up and buying breakfast or snacks for the day, instead of feeling the urge and stress of keeping stocks of every type of snack and milk my toddler could possibly want at all times. That just wasn’t possible when there’s no space or fridge, and it was very freeing.
“Modern parenting” tells us to give them choices, don’t force them to eat things they don’t want, give them agency, treat them as a peer! But… They are babies and have undeveloped frontal lobes. I thought to be a good mom, I need to always have an inventory or stock, and to let them choose… But I began to wonder if it doesn’t do my kids any good to have a whole grocery store available to them at all times, as well as a whole entire toy store in the living room.
When something’s not available… Maybe they just need to choose something else (what a thought!). Honestly, I grew up with “what’s on the table is what you eat,” so I really don’t know why I’m so pressed to provide a whole grocery store for my kids at every moment.
Going out every morning for today’s breakfast and food really isn’t reasonable in the suburbs of America, but it’s really given me “food” for thought about how I want to run my life from now on to reduce waste.
Living day to day, we didn’t need much beyond the consumables and what we wore. So how do I have 4 floors of a house and still “not enough” space? How do I keep on buying more and more every other day?
Are my kids really happy with me buying them more and more toys just because I am looking for that temporary “hit” of adrenaline when they see a new toy for the first time and their eyes light up? (How long does that joy last anyways? There are toys they go back and back again to, and they usually aren’t the new shiny things I buy.)
We spent hundreds - if not thousands - on toys and books and baby products during the trip. But my son’s favorite new toys were two cast-iron toy cars we got at a baby goods resell event for 50 cents that we just happened to pass by on our way back to the hotel one afternoon. Not the big new shiny thing, not the electronic books that make animal noises or told stories… Two old cars. One of them even has parts missing.
Spending 24/7 for three months (1 month before the trip when we pulled toddler out of daycare, 1 month during the trip, and few weeks after the trip we didn’t have daycare) with these tiny creatures that I put so much resources, time, energy, and money into every day made me really “see” them and what they may really want and need.
Yes, time with mommy and daddy is good, but they also thrive being with, playing with, and talking to other humans. Shiny new toys and books are great, but they keep going back to the same toys and same books. Maybe what we need isn’t stuff and more money thrown at them, but more time, freedom, and less toys.
Mottainai mentality has me accepting things I don’t need, keeping things I don’t need or want, and causing “constipation of the house.” I want to live surrounded by things I love or need, but so much space (mentally and physically) is clogged up by “stuff,” making me constantly irritated.
FOMO has me buying, buying buying, but really… Is it just to fuel my ego to get myself to feel like I’m a good mom? Maybe my kids don’t really “need” all these new things when they love building with Magna-Tiles and playing with the same set of trains or cars every day? Or loves just running around in the playground with some sand toys?
All this is to say that since coming back home, I’ve begun seriously decluttering my house. I’ll probably be sharing the progress and setbacks as I tackle 5 years worth of stuff I’ve welcomed into the house (obviously accelerated by the 2 babies we also welcomed into the house in the past 2 and half years).
I’ve put out of countless bags of trash bags to the trash (yes, battling mottainai every step of the way), and have sorted things to give away, send to consignment, or bring to a baby pantry. There is still a long way to go, but I’m already feeling the benefits of less cluttered house.
The battle, of course, is the maintenance. Once the constipation of the house clears, I have to make sure I keep the digestive track running!
2025 is decluttering and figuring out what I want in my life, but equally as importantly, what I don’t want in my life.
What’s something you’re looking forward to do, small or big, in 2025? (Existing and making it to 2026 is very valid.)